Hello Sluggo:

When it's Time to Change...

2007-07-05T23:37:00.000-05:00

...You've got to rearrange.

As of 2 July 2007, I'm trying my damndest to continue my blogging efforts over at the new Hello Sluggo, my first WordPress effort. I won't go so far as to say new and improved... Let's just say different for now.

In the words of Jack Lord, "Be there. Aloha."

Say "I'll Wait" to iPhone

2007-06-30T08:51:00.001-05:00

No, I didn't get an iPhone. I just figured I'd jump on the bandwagon and do an iPhone post.

Actually, I'm as enamoured with the iPhone as anyone else. It's just that I've made it rule of thumb to wait out major tech releases as I don't have wads of cash to throw unto the feet of Stevie Jobs and his empire which I have been actively defending since, oh, about 1987 or so.

Shit, for that alone I feel that I should get one for free. Chew on that for a moment: Apple gave each of its Apple Store employees (does this deal extend to ALL Apple employees?) who've been in their positions for over a year a free iPhone, and the 8Gb version at that. Narrow that down a bit: Apple gave free iPhones to people they pay anyway. Maybe they should giving something to those of us who have been paying them for, um, about twenty years!

Anyway, it was just a fleeting thought. Which makes me think of Fleet enemas. Oh, and www.fleet.com takes you to Bank of America. No shit (no pun intended).

So yeah, the iPhone... Xeni Jardin's iPhone release day post at Boing Boing pretty much is the perfect pro and con statement for/against the iPhone, though more for than against. The iPhone aside, there is one glimmering line of prose that seems prophetic while scaring the shit out of me at the same time; When addressing the iPhone touch interface, she belches forth this nugget:

"I wish I could do this on every electronic device I own. I wish Apple would release a tablet with this on it."

It's that last part that sticks. Are we going to see a 30" iMac sans keyboard that you would pull to the edge of your desk and actually type on the screen, "pinch" images in Photoshop to resize them and "fingerpaint" in Illustrator to draw Bézier curves? The thought is terrifying. To my wallet, I mean.

Gaijin Monkeys in Japan

2007-06-29T09:05:00.000-05:00

And speaking of Gaijin in Japan, what would happen if gaijin monkeys ended up living in Japan?

Actually, Mike posted the original version of this image in his "About the Author" box, and I couldn't help messing with it. Looks like a couple of crazy drunken village dwarves I saw at the Hounen Matsuri in 2002... They were alot of fun, those guys. I hope they're still around. If anyone sees this and was there this year, let me know if you saw a couple of crazy little guys causing trouble and hitting people up for money to buy Sake One Cups. I'll try to post a photo of them later.

All Hail Gaijin in Japan

2007-06-28T10:50:00.000-05:00

Having an impromptu Skype-a-thon with Mike at Gaijin in Japan today while I'm working. More of a soundscape, actually. I don't have my mic here, and he's drinkin' shochu, so I can hear him puttering around his room, rustling papers and drunkily farting now and again.

He hit our webcam and posted a shot of us flying the bird. Now that's multitasking!

The Definition of Handicapped

2007-06-25T12:28:00.000-05:00

The small dick spammers are getting more imaginative every day. Just have a look at this high tech approach to advertising. Who'da thunk it that a halfassed cartoon of a schlong in a wheelchair would open the floodgates to insecure men everywhere. We're of weaker intelligence than I initially assessed.

Yeah, I blurred the URL. Whaddya think, I'm gonna give them a link on my dime?

Map, Schmap...

2007-06-23T13:39:00.000-05:00

One of my photos of Otafuku in New York City has been included in the new Schmap New York Travel Guide. I've included their widget on this page 'cos you know, I just need more clutter.

We were last there in May 2000, a little over year before the shit hit the fan down on the south end of Manhattan. I guess you could say it was a different time then... Certainly not a more "innocent" time by any means, but just... Different.

Been There, Done That

2007-06-23T01:49:00.000-05:00

Here's video from this year's Hounen Matsuri, held every March in Komaki (outside Nagoya), Aichi Prefecture, Japan. We attended the festivities in 2002, and I must say that it was the most unique public festival I've ever seen...

Gaijin in Japan Talkcast

2007-06-03T22:32:00.001-05:00

I made the suggestion to Mike over at Gaijin in Japan that he should look into TalkShoe for creating a call-in talkcast, and he immediately set it up to go down this Wednesday June 6 at 11am Japan time (that's Tuesday night at 9pm central DST).

I've been appointed to bring the beer, which is fine with me 'cos that means I get to drink it all, too.

Hocus Pocus Really Fast

2007-04-16T17:57:00.000-05:00

Focus was always a guilty pleasure of mine, especially when they went out on the freakout limb like the live performance of Hocus Pocus seen above. This shit is crazy fast.

There's a good amount of video on their Official YouTube Channel, too.

Puchi Bruce is My New Hero

2007-04-13T17:12:00.000-05:00

I don't know why he does what he does, and I'm probably the last guy on the Internet to hear about him, but Puchi Bruce is my new hero. And I've never even seen any of the Die Hard movies... Just knowing there's a Japanese guy who looks like a Japanese Bruce Willis and makes Bruce Willis movie send-ups is enough for me.

How about a Bruce Willis and Wesley Willis mashup? Whatchou talkin' about, Willis?

I nearly shit myself laughing at the first half of this video.

Cool Old Sluggo-Oriented Shit Found on the Web

2007-04-13T10:26:00.000-05:00

I was screwing around online at work today, as I am wont to do as huge Photoshop ~~butt-wiping operations~~ files are bringing my workstation to a crawl, and I found this image of the Cream Castle's sign in my hometown of Sikeston, Missouri. The interesting (or maybe kinda frustrating) thing about it is that the guy over and Coffee and Pie doesn't even mention the Cream Castle. Instead, the story waxes nostalgic about Paul Eakins (pronounced AY-kins, as my dad recently corrected my wayward pronounciation of EE-kins) and his Gay 90s Museum of orchestrions & calliopes, yet doesn't offer a link to the Eakins website or a photo... Oh, and the Cream Castle photo is on the Springfield, MO page, while the Sikeston text is mixed up with photos of a crumbling Cairo, Illinois. Hrmph.

Anyway, the Cream Castle is a throwback to the car hop hamburger and fries era. Though it has seen it glory days pass, it was still in operation the last time I passed through Sikeston, and hopefully will continue to do so.

As for the Paul Eakins' Gay 90s Museum, here is a link to the website that sells recordings of the music machines that were the source of his passion.

Hey, Nice Hat

2007-04-08T22:52:00.000-05:00

Annie Sprinkle's tits on my head, January 21, 1994, Vortex Theater, Austin.

How ya like me now?

211 hickman avenue, columbia, missouri 1988

2007-04-08T19:55:00.001-05:00

In my old duplex in Columbia, Missouri, 1988. Photo by Andre Vospette (Who probably doesn't remember taking it).

No Contact Lenses for You

2007-04-06T16:43:00.000-05:00

My eyes suck. I can barely focus on small text any longer, and routinely catch myself squinting like a blind bastard when trying to read magazines, newpapers, paperbacks, what have you. This is what 20+ years of sitting staring at computer monitors under brash fluorescent lighting does to you.

So recently, I ventured to the eye doctor to get a prescription for glasses. I decided that I wanted to try contacts as an alternative, so I was sent over to the inhouse optician to be fitted with "trial" lenses. I was told I would need training in how to properly put them in, take them out, spit-shine them, etc., to which I agreed. I was told to wash my hands and have a seat. Ten minutes later, a lady came out and told me that they would have to special order the contacts as I have astigmatism. No problem, I would just come back later.

They called me this past Wednesday to inform me that the lenses were ready, and that I could come in anytime. Now, the person on the other end of the line was the same person who said she would order the lenses, and the same person who knew I needed contact lens "training." Just to make sure I understood what she was saying , I asked again, "...And I can come anytime for this? (this meaning the contact lens instruction)" She said yes.

Since the eye doctor told me I should try the contacts over the weekend so that I wouldn't have the demands of work while adjusting to them, I thought coming in on Friday would be a good thing. I even called to make sure they were open over the mid-day lunch period, which they happily informed they were.

So I head over hoping to do my "training" and come back to work with possibly clearer vision and irritated eyes. I was actually excited about this prospect! The same lady who had ordered the lenses and told me I would need instruction before taking my new eyes greeted me and went to get the lenses. Upon return, she looked at my paperwork and said, "Oh wait... You've never had contact lenses? We'll have to make you an appointment for training." I reminded her she had told me on the phone that I could come in anytime for that, to which she answered, "Oh, you can pick them up anytime, but you'll need an appointment for training!"

I'm sure the look I gave her, though I remained courteous, let her know what I was thinking.

"Okay," I said, "Let's make an appointment then. I guess I misunderstood."

She replied that maybe she didn't explain things clearly. Then I told her that I had come on Friday because the doctor said trying the lenses over the weekend would be a good idea. She hemmed and hawed for a moment and said, "Well I guess I could walk you through it. Lets have you wash your hands and have a seat." I thought to myself for a moment about deja vu, then proceeded to wash my hands.

After a few minutes, she came back with the little yellow and blue boxes containing my contacts. Again she looked at my paperwork and frowned. "Oh, you have astigmatism. That's different, I can't show you how to handle these."

Though I wasn't meaning to show it, I stared her down with a look that said "Bitch, are you for real?*"

Then she followed with, "Well, the doctor isn't in today anyway, and he likes to be here to work with you in these situations."

Well, shit.

"I'm learning all these new things that nobody has bothered to tell me before," I said, losing the will to be Mr. Nice Guy. "Maybe I should come back for that appointment when there is someone here who can help me. Thank you."

I left. With very clean hands.

I'm still thinking that I should call them back and tell them to roll those contacts up and shove them in a tight spot.

* Kudos to Dolemite

raccoon and shoes, oh my

2007-03-06T20:59:00.001-06:00

Here's the raccoon and shoes concoction I mentioned before. The raccoon had been there over a week; The shoes only a couple of days. How did they get there?

hey, um... i found your crack pipe

2007-03-06T11:12:00.001-06:00

FOUND: Crack pipe, looks to be heavily used, found on Red Cliff Drive in Austin, Texas.

You find the damndest things on the street. Last week I found $26 on the sidewalk, this week a crackpipe. What will it be next week?

Speaking of which, there has been a roadkill raccoon on Kramer Lane stinking up my walk for the past few days. Yesterday I noticed a shoe laying on top of it. Today I realized it's a pair of running shoes. How odd.

The Power of Unchikun Compels Me

2007-01-20T09:29:00.000-06:00

I have been forced by the sheer power of this video to upload a new blog post!

Miss me?

Porn Dogs, anyone? Dick on a Stick maybe?

2006-09-08T14:24:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one who noticed the image that Boing Boing's Mark Frauenfelder decided to have accompany his post on the Minnesota State Fair On A Stick movie at YouTube? I'm not really that gutter-minded am I? Or is it just Mark?

Right Place, Right Time

2006-09-06T10:51:00.000-05:00

I guess I was looking at just the right time to catch this story on Google News...

Hello Durian: The Not-So-Delicious Smell of Armpit Corpse Farts

2006-09-01T15:42:00.000-05:00

After lunch at Mandarin House, my coworkers and I stopped off at MT Supermarket to peruse the snack ailse for some Friday afternoon goodies. I picked up some Durian-flavored wafers to spring on my fellow employees, a "favor" I had been promising for some time. A couple of people tried them, but everyone else turned up--or rather, turned away--their noses. Hours later, the guys who tasted the treats are complaining of belching them up. I say the're just enjoying them a second time.

We left them in the breakroom/kitchenette area, package open so everyone could enjoy the aroma. Then someone got the wise idea of stowing some of the wafers in *****'s office, strategically place under the piles of paper and press proofs littering the room. Later, the culprit figured a Nestea Plunge of sorts was in order, and moved the whole package into *****'s office, placing them under his desk and behind a computer where they will be nice and warm over the three-day weekend.

Oh yeah, and then somehow the door got closed.

Below is a photo of this culinary landmine laying in wait for its victim to arrive on a sure-to-be-hungover-from-a-long-weekend Tuesday.

Revisiting a Past Life

2006-08-13T00:19:00.000-05:00

I've created a new Flickr group called My Old Abandoned Home (as in, "The sun shines bright on..."), dedicated to linking old family photos of the subjects' respective position in present-day photos of the currently uninhabitable fire-trap of a house they were snapped in around forty years ago... Does that make sense?

In other words, "Here's a photo of my dad with a deer he bagged in 1962. Here's the same shot of the house today. See the difference? Taste the nostalgia? Feel the slow, strained passage of time sucking your ass into the quicksand of oblivion?"

Take a look, lemme know what you think. If it strikes you as interesting, thanks. If you think I'm just nuts and obsessing over my childhood, your probably right, and, by the way, fuck you, fuck you very much.

Japanese TV: More to Love

2006-07-23T09:46:00.000-05:00

So, yeah, no posts for damn near a month. Consistency: That's what keeps my vast readership growing.

Anyway, I absolutely love Japanese television. It's probably what kicked off my admiration (obsession?) with Japanese culture, and I keep going back for more. I need an easier way to get my fix, though... Downloading terabytes of stuff from Usenet is time-consuming, though it has been made alot easier to deal with different file formats and whatnot with a growing number of software tools to manhandle and convert offerings to ultimately get them burned to VCD or DVD and viewable on an actual television. It's still a big pain in the ass, though. Streaming video via the web is cool, but the quality sucks and it's still not on my TV... I plan to buy a iPod video soon, so that may make it easier to transfer stuff to my living room for couch-potato-not-desk-slave consumption. We'll see.

I could shell out the bucks and get TV Japan via satellite, but that's NHK-only, and I don't think I'd get to see really cool stuff like Trivia No Izumi. I mean, Mythbusters is great, but Trivia No Izumi is the shit.

Ohayo gozaimasu, Unchi-kun!

2006-06-24T09:40:00.000-05:00

I'm not exactly looking forward to toilet training Kei, but it's obviously something we must eventually do. Fortunately, there are plenty of training aids out there to help us along.We already have The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts as well as Everyone Poops, and I'm sure we'll probably pick up a couple of other titles as we toil along in our parenting endeavors.

It appears that there are some excellent training videos available in Japan—now we just need someone to dub these gems in English so we can use them with our daughter! Personally, I could deal with (and prefer) subtitles, but you know, um, she can't read yet... Still, she might be able to comprehend what's going on just by watching the video, though, so I might still show them to her when the time comes, if not only for comedic value.

Kill a Fucking Dell

2006-06-22T16:03:00.000-05:00

I've been a Mac user since the beginning, but until the past couple of years, I wasn't the "Macs rule, PCs suck" kinda guy. Basically, I'm sick of dealing with rampant virus issues, trojan horses, adware, spam, etc... Fuck it. I'll stay with my Mac.

So here's a little movie I made of my coworker, Redneck T, smashing one of two Dell servers we were getting rid of at work. Photos of the execution of server #1 may be found here.

Square Afro, Bad Brain

2006-06-20T22:28:00.000-05:00

Check out this video of The Paul Green School of Rock Music kids covering a couple of Bad Brains tunes. Pretty badass stuff. I never saw another band cover Bad Brains this dead-on...

Also, here's another great cover by the PGSOR, Devo's Uncontrollable Urge. It starts off a little rough, but they kick it into overdrive. It gives me goosebumps, it do.

Time, the Great Deceiver

2006-06-11T09:15:00.000-05:00

I was just reading this page wherein bits of The Beatles are picked apart (to good effect)... The line that got me reads, "A decade before Dee Dee Ramone canonized it, I Saw Her Standing There left Paul's "One, two three, FAAH!" in, just blowing up little transistor radio speakers everywhere."

Only ten years between The Beatles and The Ramones? I never really thought about it that way.

What stopped me here was the fact that, in my mind, the space between 1963 and 1973—or, as it would apply to me, maybe 1968 to 1978—seems like light years as compared to the time between 1970 and 1980. Or to really drive the point home, 1990 and 2000. Know whut I mean?

Does time seemed sped up to me because of the cultural changes and awakenings that occured during the 60s and 70s, or is it because I'm just getting old? Is it because of media and technology advances that time seems shorter, or that I'm just far more aware and serious than in my youth? Why do those years seem to have taken so much longer to live that the past decade? The first twenty years of my life seemed to drag on forever, but it seems that between the ages of, say, twenty-five and my presently perched forty-one have flown by. People I haven't seen for fifteen years? Seems like I talked to them yesterday. My five-year-old friend Maurice, the first black kid who I saw bleed blood as red as my own after a playground accident, immediately making me question my parents' teaching that blacks are black and we are white? It's like he never existed but in a foggy dream in the bowels of my mind. Time's some crazy shit.

Okay, I'm gonna go eat some oatmeal and drink more coffee.

Just Desserts Followup

2006-05-17T12:50:00.000-05:00

Just fucking hilarious...

ya meet the strangest people...

2006-05-07T17:32:00.000-05:00

Today is our seventh wedding anniversary, so we went to Tien Hong for dim sum... Who gets parked at the table next to us but none other than Kinky Friedman, the Next Govenor of Texas! So what does one do when the guy you're voting for is sitting next to you at a restaurant? You ask for a photo, of course! And eavesdrop...

Words of Wisdom from My Wife

2006-05-07T17:07:00.000-05:00

"I like being able to poop while I'm online!"

Uttered on this seventh day of May, 2006. Our seventh wedding anniversary, BTW.

i told you i would...

2006-05-06T12:14:00.001-05:00

Scott Ellis braves no man's land and lays some ink on my ass. Literally.

butt you didn't listen!

2006-05-06T12:14:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired, tired of waiting...

2006-04-28T14:39:00.000-05:00

Another strange glitch I ran across today at work... I figger that to have gotten this far, I would have had to started uncompressing this file around ~~231,000~~ 462,000 years ago.

Just Desserts Anyone?

2006-04-26T21:24:00.000-05:00

I must have watched this video forty times... It's quite addictive.

The first thing that got me about this clip is the punch, or rather, the connection. This lady ain't fuckin' around, and I doubt this is the first time she's sucker-punched someone like that. There's experience in that punch. And it's like she doesn't even have a wind-up; No rare-back or any sort of giveaway of what's coming.

The second thing is the story. My impression was that this is maybe at the young girl's junior high school, and mom, the star pugilist, is picking her up after she's gotten busted smoking pot on campus. Maybe the punch-ee is a teacher, or even a loudmouth counselor? Or maybe this happened in the lobby outside juvenile court, and the loser of the bout is a neighborhood busybody who called the cops on the girl and her boyfriend when she spied them makin' out and gettin' baked in the back of his Chevy Van?

At any rate, this video rates high in my top ten of Internet pass-arounds. I'd rather loop this one up anyday than watch any number of beheading movies or Iraqi IED videos over at Ogrish.

Sick... Like Father, Like Daughter

2006-04-18T20:47:00.000-05:00

Extra Virgin Mary

2006-04-11T14:36:00.000-05:00

Since we're currently attending pre-baptism classes for Kei, I thought this was extra humorous... Apparently, the Catholic News Agency didn't agree:

My co-worker Bart found this in the December 2005 issue of America Magazine, so I scanned it to maybe send to Boing Boing or something. Unfortunately, it already made its way around the web.

Unpimp My Blog

2006-03-28T11:13:00.000-06:00

I'm not much on commercials-as-entertainment, but every time I see this guy, I laff my ass off...

Buck Owens 1929-2006

2006-03-25T17:50:00.000-06:00

When I was young, a revolutionary television program called Hee Haw invaded our home every Saturday night at 6pm. At the time, and for a long time afterward, Hee Haw was the butt of many, many jokes and sometimes the focus of our lament of growing up in the backward Bible Belt region of the US. Years later, many of the characters introduced on the show have become cult figures of a (somewhat) simpler time: Junior Samples, Archie Campbell, The Hager Twins, Stringbean, Lulu Roman, Grandpa Jones, Minnie Pearl, Roy Clark and Buck Owens.

Even later on, during the "I'm so fucking Punk Rock and original and owe nothing to anyone except maybe the Dead Kennedys and Black Flag" era, the influence that Buck Owens and Hee Haw really had on us was still of incubatory status. It wasn't until playing in an "Americana" cowpunk outfit in the mid-90's that the truth really all came home to roost for me.

So I'll just come out and tell the truth: I don't give a rancid shit what any boy-band smooth harmony mall-punk loving turd says, there wouldn't be "hardcore" or anything vaguely resembling it without the likes of Buddy Holly, The Beatles, Howlin' Wolf, Chuck Berry, Bob Wills, Little Richard, Woody Guthrie, and yes, Buck Owens.

And Hee Haw.

A World of Fucking Stupid People

2006-03-09T16:40:00.000-06:00

Me: Okay, after you rebuild the file, could you just email it to me?

Stupid: Uh, yeah... What's yer address?

Me: It's S as in "Sam," L U G G O at ****** ******** dot com.

Stupid: P H O T O S L U G G O at ****** ******** dot com.

ME: No, it's just S L U G G O at ****** ******** dot com.

Stupid: Okay, yeah, P H O T O S L U G G O at ****** ******** dot com.

Me: (Gasping a bit) No... It's S L U G G O. S as in "Sam," L U G G O.

Stupid: Yeah, right... (long pause) P H O T O S L U G G O at ****** ******** dot com.

Me: (Stammering in disbelief at this point) No, no, no... There's no P H O T O, just S L U G G O.

Stupid: Um... Okay, I got it... P H O T O S L U G G O at ****** ******** dot com.

(By now I was entertaining the idea of telling this ass clown to get bent... But, no.)

Me: No, sir, listen please... S L U G G O at * * * * * * * * * * * * * * dot com. No "photo." Okay?

Stupid: (longer pause) Okay... P H O T O S L U G G O at ****** ******** dot com?

Yes, this telephone conversation really happened about ten minutes ago.

How Much Wood Could a Woodchuck Chuck...?

2006-02-16T09:47:00.000-06:00

Yes, geek humor. I'm sure someone at Adobe got a chuckle out of this too.

Pimp My Grill

2006-02-12T17:53:00.000-06:00

Man... And we just got our tax return, too...

On Feeling Stupid

2006-02-04T22:00:00.000-06:00

The late Chris Penn and Mom on the set of Reservoir Dogs

I have a confession to make. Something that makes me feel dumb to the bone...

As you may know, actor Chris Penn, brother of actor/activist Sean Penn and musician Michael Penn, died recently. I hadn't heard anything about the cause of his death, so I began to snoop around a bit on the web to see if any new information had leaked out.

While skipping from site to site, learning details of his passing, I happened to notice that his mother is Eileen Ryan. My brain skipped an odd beat, as if I found myself to be the one guy in the whole world to just find out that Michael, Sean and Chris Penn's mom was Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies.

I ran around for more than a couple of minutes trying to verify this astonishing nugget of insider information. Finding another page of biographical information on Penn that listed his mother as "Eileen Ryan, actress" made my head whiz even more. How could I have NEVER HEARD THIS BEFORE? Where the hell had I been hiding my head? It reminded me of a conversation with a friend in the past few months during which he learned that Randy Rhoads, Ozzy Osbourne's famed guitar hero, had died... 22 years earlier.

I finally looked up Eileen Ryan at IMDB and saw that she was still alive and working. "Something's fishy here," I thought to myself. So I hit IMDB again, this time for the cast credits of The Beverly Hillbillies.

At that moment I was made to feel as dumb as Ed Gein's shoebox full of dead, salted vulvas.

Granny was portrayed by IRENE Ryan. Not Eileen Ryan.

Shit.

The New Tattoo

2006-01-21T09:23:00.000-06:00

I said I was going to get Kei's footprints tattooed on my butt, but I opted to do her kanji instead... Mainly 'cos my wife and the doctor would be the only people to ever see the feets, and that just ain't fair. Mutsuo of Three Tides Tattoo from Osaka, Japan did the deed last Sunday at the Star of Texas Tattoo Art Revival at the Red Lion Hotel.

Still wondering...

2006-01-21T09:05:00.000-06:00

Ha! A new search result finds someone stranded (not) at my blog: porn slug. It's like I am missing the next big thing in net porn. "Like, ya know, bukkakke is so last year. Slug fucking is the bomb, yo!"

I have to wonder...

2006-01-13T22:43:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so um... Yesterday, someone visited my blog after searching for "we have fucked the slug" on MSN UK. I have to wonder what that means.

Funny Useless Spam

2006-01-06T13:42:00.000-06:00

I got this in my work email today: A sex device which gives a new meaning to the phrase "one-holer." A sling chair with a hole in it. Somewhere in Appalachia there's a new millionaire.

That Einstein Photo

2005-12-31T00:05:00.000-06:00

Yes, you've been seeing it everywhere online. And now...

I should be ashamed of myself that I cannot come up with anything better than that. A 41-year-old grown man. With a little baby girl even! Why I never.

Red Motel

2005-12-29T21:01:00.000-06:00

I just ran across the website for Red Motel in Yoyogi, Tokyo. I really like the design, a mix of old-school punk crock and crazy Engrish shenanigans. Plus, their motto or tagline or blurb-o whatever the hell you wanna call it is cool as shit: "SALUTE PUNK ROCK & NEW WAVE and I hope nobody escape." Fuck yeah. If that ain't love-hate, I dunno what is. 私は性交の殺害にほしいと思う!

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Wipe...

2005-12-17T00:16:00.000-06:00

I found a few squat toilet photos I took in Japan and posted them to Flickr... You can witness the splendor of the whole set right here.

Annoying, Isn't It?

2005-12-16T16:18:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday Tom, Wherever You Are

2005-12-11T23:01:00.000-06:00

My friend Tom Churchill was killed by a drunk driver on South Lamar Boulevard in Austin, Texas on September 6, 1996. Today he would have been 38 years old.

Skype: The Whole World Can Prank Call You for Free

2005-12-11T16:15:00.000-06:00

A recent chat I had in Skype... Reads like a six-panel comic strip... ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork is me, by the way. "Bumpie128" tried to call me out of the blue, but I don't answer unsolicited or unannounced calls from strangers. Unless I'm in an ornery mood, which is most of the time. Still... So I IM'ed him back to see what the call was for:

(18:26:51) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: yes....? what's up?

(18:27:19) bumpie128 says: You like the NBA?

(18:27:35) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: hmm.. no, sorry

(18:28:08) bumpie128 says: Football, NFL?

(18:28:45) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: nope

(18:29:01) bumpie128 says: Baseball, MLB

(18:29:33) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: i can take baseball... or futbol... basketball and football are boring

(18:29:59) bumpie128 says: Okay, do you like GIRLS?

(18:30:10) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: sure... do you?

(18:32:16) bumpie128 says: Boooooooooobiies

(18:32:31) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: have you escaped from AOL?

Richard Pryor 1940-2005

2005-12-10T19:24:00.000-06:00

Photo: Henry Diltz

Of all the comedians whose albums we listened to in that era when the comedy album was the big thing, Richard Pryor was undeniably the one who made us laugh uncontrollably and play the damn record over and over... And tape it so we could play it on road trips in the car... And memorize every damn line so we could amaze each other by reciting the jokes along with the record as we played it yet again. But not only that, he made us think about why we laughed, and opened our eyes to a lot of shit. We'll miss him.

Filthy TV Repository and Fat Bush Supporters

2005-12-10T07:55:00.000-06:00

ParentsTV.org maintains what could be either a guide of what to avoid for anal-retentive reactionary parents hoping to shelter their children from the evils of human nature funneled through Hollywood's degenerate view of America (or what America ~~should be or is becoming~~ has become), or a helpful list of what's really fucked-up and fun to watch for lowest-common denominator couch slugs who suck up what is plopped on their mental multi-compartmentalized plastic cafeteria tray by hair-netted and mustachioed television executives—the latter group of which are probably overtaking the first in percentage of overall market share. Big breath... Pick your poison.

The flag-waving slob above is most likely a member of said latter group as well, judging by his acceptance of pre-packaged and trucked-in-by-Halliburton-for-your-pleasure politics. Homey probably had biggie-sized freedom fries for lunch. I love the way his little ham fist grips that Wal-Mart impulse-buy flag, too. The photo is from Ava Rice's Law Sloth, where self-portraits of Bush-fodder are assembled with commentary that had me giggling with deelite. I especially love the comment on this freedom-loving tubby's photo:

"Fat slob waving a little flag in an attic apartment = pure comedy. Bonus: Are those Christmas lights, a blacklight poster of a dragon, and Kleenex and lube in the background?"

I didn't notice until after making this post that Ava's page pretty much stopped posting at the end of last year, but it's still way entertaining.

Better, But Not Quite

2005-12-07T08:15:00.000-06:00

Okay, so Current returned to its place on our digital cable in Austin yesterday.

I wonder... Do they keep a shitty infomercial network around to drop in when they have technical difficulties? Do they make a little kickback when someone tunes in to watch their favorite program and becomes brainwashed by the "you're not beautiful enough, your teeth are yellow, you're losing your hair and you have a dirty butt" programming and buys something?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

I still hate Time Warner...

I Fucking Hate Time Warner

2005-12-04T11:29:00.000-06:00

We've had digital cable and Internet services through Time Warner for a few years now, and I have to be honest: I fucking hate Time Warner. They charge an assload of money for services that other providers offer for far less and their customer service (specifically Road Runner tech support) sucks major ass, contrary to what they would have potential customers believe. One of the things that has chapped my ass about them for awhile is that they now offer new customers Internet service at half price for six months, while those of us who have been supporting their greedy asses for years and never got a promotional break in the beginning of our service get nothing. They won't throw us a bone, and they sure as hell don't give reacharounds while they're fucking us.

Then there are the channels that go black or mysteriously change programming with no advance warning and no explanation. They recently started carrying Current TV in the digital lineup, and though rather repetitive, I've come to like the diverse programming Current has to offer. Then yesterday, poof! it's gone, replaced with some infomercial network running an hour-long ad for some lame-ass teeth whitening product. I checked again today, and the same network was in Current's place showing a commercial for hair loss remedies.

I checked Current's web site to see if there were announced outages, and as I suspected, they showed no interruption of service. I then tried to check if Time Warner site had any announcements, and not only did they have nothing to explain the situation, when I tried to use their "live chat with a pompous service agent" link, I got a server error. When I tried to then go to the "contact us" link to find other options, I got the same server error. I gave up.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, just this morning before all this happened, Sharon informed me that Time Warner had raised the cost of service yet again. That's right, we're paying more for less. This is nothing new with Time Warner, so why am I so worked up about it?

All I can say is what I've said for nearly three years: When Grande finally makes it to our neighborhood, I'm gonna bail. That is, when Time Warner and the City of Austin quit blowing each other and let Grande expand into other areas in Austin, I'm leaving the dark side.

We Give Great Engrish for a Hot Life

2005-12-04T01:15:00.000-06:00

Here's a new one (for me, anyway...): Adult Podcasting. Yes. The sounds of porn, in Japanese at that. Or should I say, the sounds of Japanese porn. No wonder there are problems with sweaty, sex-starved salarymen groping women on the Yamanote! They're listening to this on their iPods on the way to work every morning! Oh, and you win a big fat bubblegum cigar if you can spot the fresh Engrish. It's a mad, mad, mad world, I'm sayin'. Fuck it, I'm going to bed.

Jonesin' for Ink

2005-12-03T18:00:00.000-06:00

Just the other day I was wondering to myself, "Self, I wonder when there's going to be another tattoo convention in Austin?" Well, it looks like the Star of Texas Tattoo Art Revival is happening again, January 12 through 15. I'm hoping to get down there this time around and see some art... Maybe even get some art, who knows?

It's been about six and a half years since I was tattooed last, when I got my honeymoon peach from Tanja Nixx at Lyle Tuttle's in San Francisco. I need to get off my keister and see about getting my "Kei's Feets" tattoo... I've been wanting to get tattooed again for years, but having a legitimate excuse now just makes me more anxious to have it done. Just haven't figured out where to get it and what the composition should be. The joke idea for some time has been to get it on my butt since she has most definitely kicked my ass, in a life-changing, neck-snapping fashion.

Kei is 16 weeks old!

2005-12-01T21:53:00.000-06:00

Our little girl is sixteen weeks old today. Even in the short time she's been here, I can see that what "they" say is true: They grow up way too fast. In Kei's case, it's not her growing up that's alarming, it's just how much she has grown in general.

I love her, I love her, I love her... No matter how much she screams or pukes on me or whatever. How something so beautiful could have come (partly) from me, I have no clue.

Podcasts, the iPod and the Process of De-Ludditization

2005-12-01T14:20:00.000-06:00

Oooh... A plywood iPod...

This week, I've been walking to and from work, just to see if I can get into the routine of keeping up with daily excercise (which is another post unto itself...). To occupy myself during the 35 or so minutes it takes each way (it's exactly two miles from home to work), I dug out my Rio Cali 128 and fed it a few Japan-related podcasts, namely Guzen Radio, Herro Flom Japan and Tokyo Calling. Now I find myself wanting an iPod, which is odd for me, because I had no previous interest in owning one... I figured the Rio player was enough, but I'm finding that the expanded storage of an iPod would be... attractive. The video capabilities would be nice, too, though I doubt I'd be watching much video while walking down the treacherous stretch of Kramer Lane that I have to navigate!

I've added the iPod to my Christmas wish list but I don't think anyone will be buying me one. We'll see what happens.

I Hates a Possum

2005-11-30T14:16:00.000-06:00

Iggy ran this dirty, smelly overrated rat up on the fence last night... After a standoff between dog and possum that lasted about eight minutes, I grabbed the bird feeder, which hangs from the tree on a twenty-foot chain, and swung it at the possum, knocking his ugly ass to the ground. Outside the fence.

News Flash!

2005-11-29T22:25:00.000-06:00

I couldn't help blogging this from RichPav's photostream at Flickr...

That's My Little Girl!

2005-11-28T20:57:00.000-06:00

Kei was only about three months old when Sharon took this photo, but there's proof positive that she's mine: She's already learning how to shoot the bird.

Strange Reaction Makes the Internet Worthwhile Again

2005-11-28T16:27:00.000-06:00

I love Scott's Strange Reaction site for a very simple reason: He digs up some old crappy records that nobody's heard in years (and never made it to CD release), rips 'em to MP3 and posts them for my enjoyment.

Case in point: East LA's Stains' LP on SST Records, recorded in 1981. My old cassette recording of this classic hardcore album has been in a constant state of slow death for many years, and I've been wondering if it ever made it to CD. Apparently not, as SST supposedly never paid them royalties, which declined into a rift between band and label. So you can surmise that I was taken aback when I stumbled across Strange Reaction recently and found the whole record posted there as if Scott saw me coming. And if that weren't enough of a eureka find, members of the band have found the site and have been communicating through the forum!

Christmas Card Hell

2005-11-28T12:12:00.000-06:00

Since I had to design it, get it ok'd, wrangle it, etc., I've also been stuck with the responsibility of getting all my beloved (...) coworkers to sign it as well... Then I have to scan the signatures, get it ready for print, etc... Though it will make me sick to my stomach, I'm gonna make each name alternating red and green. I'm getting nauseous just thinkning about it..

Oh, Evil Santa (above) isn't on the card, though I wish he were. He was lifted from some piece of shit blog that tried to install a trojan horse... On my Mac! Buahahahaha...

The Nastiest Squat Toilet in Ueno!

2005-11-28T12:04:00.000-06:00

Photo by Sluggo, 11/22/04

~~For those of you hitting this page from the front page of Blogger Team,~~ here's a little treat from me to you: The Nastiest Squat Toilet In Ueno! Eat up!

Note: I moved everything from BloggerTeam over to Blogger 'cos BT's RSS doesn't work, plus you can't blog to BT from Flickr... And I'm a self-professed Flickr junkie... Fix me!

Trying to Blog With Nothing to Say

2005-11-28T12:03:00.000-06:00

I've fought it for, oh, at least a couple of years... Ya gotta have a BLOG, man... But if you have nothing to say, then why have a blog? Because there seems to be a need, at least in my mind, to have it. Just in case. Just in case I become a great intellectual, or suddenly come to have a unique opinion on the world, some view that sums it all up.

I thought about it today. The only thing I can come up with is that maybe I should have some kind of an outlet that allows me to say whatever I want... Whatever I'm feeling, regardless of who it concerns or who it may upset. Not that I would intentionally say or do something to upset someone, but... Somehow, I should be able to make sense of how I feel about any situation. Therapy, though I continue going, doesn't seem to be it. I need to get in touch with myself, and know that how I am feeling about anything is valid, regardless of what anyone else has to say about it.

Should I allow this to be online for anyone to read? Should this be done anonymously? Obviously, making this text available to anyone confirms that there is an attention-whore aspect to this... But that's not totally what it is about.

But does it have to be so introspective and serious? No... I suppose it's just how I am feeling at this moment.

I've had a shitty day, I'll admit it... So let's just let this hang for now...

pre-yawn

2005-08-24T22:33:00.000-05:00

pre-yawn
Originally uploaded by Sluggo.

kei's lil face

2005-08-24T21:44:00.001-05:00

kei's lil face
Originally uploaded by Sluggo.

Kei Lorraine Yarbrough, born Thursday, August 11 at 9:35am!

i dunno nuthin' 'bout birthin' no babies!

2005-08-24T21:44:00.000-05:00

i dunno nuthin' 'bout birthin' no babies!
Originally uploaded by Sluggo.

Sharon went into labor around 9pm on Wednesday, August 10... Made it to the hospital about 1am!

37 weeks

2005-07-30T13:43:00.000-05:00

37 weeks
Originally uploaded by Sluggo.

Almost there! Yesterday, our obstetrician told us that Sharon could go into labor in as early as seven to ten days... I'm not holding my breath, but then again, I'm busting ass to get some things done in preparation.

"no, we don't do that"

2005-07-14T09:46:00.000-05:00

"Hey, what the hell is that?"

"I dunno..."

"Did you put your ladder up here and cave in my gutter?"

Workers mutter to each other in Spanish "No.. we don' do that."

"Bullshit, you think I don't know my own shit? That wasn't like that yesterday."

"Ok..." Shrugs shoulders again...

"Call your boss and get him here now."

"He don' tell me to do that."

"What??"

"Okay..." Calls boss on cell phone...

"bossman don't tell me nothin"

2005-07-14T09:40:00.000-05:00

"You know we're supposed to do a ridge vent, right?"

"Yeah."

"So why did you felt right over the turbine vent holes?"

"Cos we got to cut out for new vent." Making circular motion with hand...

"Did your bossman tell you to do a ridge vent?"

"No..."

"Did bossman tell you anything?"

Shrugging, "No..."

"You guys don't do anything until your boss gets here. I want him to see this."

"Okay..."

We wait for bossman to come...

Tacoland's Ram Murdered by Assholes

2005-06-25T11:46:00.000-05:00

Miguel & Ram, originally uploaded by H. Michael karshis

I had the good fortune to meet and drink with Ram on one occasion when a band I played bass with back around 1997 did a date at Tacoland... I'm proud to relate the story of how Ram yelled at me from behind the bar after he saw me laughing myself silly at him as he sang along with a particularly racist song he had played on the jukebox (was it an old David Allen Coe number?), addressing me with the familiar "Hey, come here you fuckin' PUSSY!" As I approached the bar, he produced a one-liter plastic Coke bottle full of ~~whiskey~~ an undisclosed "composite liquor" and proceeded to pour me a drink, which I chased with a Lonestar... I was in.

I can only imagine that these guys tried to rob him and he probably told them not to let the door hit 'em in the ass on the way out.

What a shitty, senseless, stupid shame.

From the San Antonio Express-News:

Owner of famed Taco Land is slain

Web Posted: 06/25/2005 12:00 AM CDT

John Tedesco, Jim Beal and Mary Moreno
Express-News Staff Writers

Ramiro "Ram" Ayala, whose iconic bar Taco Land became an institution for underground music for more than three decades, was shot to death early Friday in a possible robbery attempt, police said.

Two employees at the near North Side bar, doorman Douglas Morgan, 53, and bartender Denise "Sunshine" Koger, 41, were injured in the shooting — Morgan critically.

At 72, Ayala was known to patrons as the gruff bartender with a sweet spot, a gray-haired curmudgeon who opened his dive bar to everyone, from upstart bands with no experience to street people.

With his trademark sunglasses and black rocker T-shirts, Ayala was as offbeat as the bands he booked.

"Ram's everybody's dad," said Mitch Webb, lead singer of the local country rock band the Swindles. "He adopted all the homeless people in the area and countless musicians."

Bands across the country wanted to play gigs at the squat brick building at Grayson and Elmira streets. The Dead Milkmen named a song after Taco Land, and the bar cropped up in lyrics by local groups such as Los #3 Dinners.

"Without Ram there, it will never, ever, ever be the same," said Los #3 Dinners lead singer Eric Friedland. "That was why you went to Taco Land, because of him."

Witnesses told police two men in their early 20s had been playing pool and drinking beer at Taco Land early Friday, as the city celebrated the San Antonio Spurs' victory over the Detroit Pistons in the NBA Championship.

Robert Flores, a homeless man who did odd jobs at Taco Land, said two bands scheduled to perform had canceled, so few people were lingering in the bar at 1 a.m.

One of the pool players stood out to Flores because he'd never seen him at Taco Land before.

The man was leaning against the jukebox drinking beer shortly before he walked over to the bar and struck up a conversation with Ayala, Flores said.

Flores didn't hear what was said, but he saw the man stick a gun in Ayala's gut and fire a shot. Flores said he ran out of the bar and didn't see what happened next.

"I can't believe this man went off like that," Flores said.

The two men fled in a silver sports car. They were described as short Hispanic men, one with a light build, the other a little heavier. One of them went by the first name "Rick," or that's what they told other patrons.

The slim man wore a red or burgundy polo shirt and blue jeans, had a crew cut, and spoke Spanish and English.

The second man had a white San Antonio Spurs T-shirt, tattoos on both arms, and light or hazel eyes.

Police found a cash register knocked over with a few dollar bills strewn across the floor.

Investigators said they had no leads.

Although the club seemed like a reliable safe haven to regulars, Taco Land had its rough side. Police knew the spot well, and in recent years had responded to an increasing number of emergency calls.

In 2000, Ayala said in an interview he first opened Taco Land in 1965, selling tacos and enchilada plates to workers from soda pop bottling plants that once operated nearby. After the plants shut down, he turned the business into a bar in 1969.

Taco Land became a draw for an eclectic crowd that on any given night had homeless people drinking beer with uppercrust college students.

"He touched people from every walk of life, from kids (in) Alamo Heights, to kids from Trinity to kids from the West Side," said Laura Escamilla-Fouratt, who worked on a documentary about Taco Land in 1999.

"I think that's kind of what everyone liked about Taco Land," she said. "It was interesting for everyone."

If he liked you, Ayala would offer a sip from "baby," the bottle he kept in a paper bag. You were expected to take a swig of what could be good tequila, cheap Scotch or a more ambiguous mix of fiery liquid.

His affection came out in other ways, too.

"Ram would only heckle bands he liked," said Sanford Nowlin, lead singer for the band Boxcar Satan and a business writer for the San Antonio Express-News.

Roland de la Cruz, guitarist with Los Mescaleros, said, "He could be a tough guy but he was a sweet man. When it came to the club, it didn't matter who you are, you could play there."

There are Ram stories Escamilla-Fouratt has never been able to confirm — that he was a projectionist in old movie houses and that he was a Korean War vet — but his work ethic and devotion to his bar always held true.

"He was really, really proud of Taco Land," she said.

Ayala suffered a heart attack in May 2003 and in recent months spent less time behind the bar, instead holding court from a stool beside the pay phone. The phone would ring periodically throughout shows, and Ram would answer it, barking "What?"

"I love the people that come here. All of them," Ayala said in 2000. "I've got good people and bad people that come here, but 99 percent of the people are good."

To pay homage to a man so many considered a patron saint to the music scene, Friday night's gig became a makeshift memorial with bands More Fire from Austin, Los De Verdad from Houston and local bands Valley of the Kings and Total 13. A crowd of about 400 to 500 people had gathered by 9 p.m.

Mark Cruz, Ayala's son, said he knew there was trouble when he saw the club on television after the Spurs coverage.

He rushed to the scene, and then to Brooke Army Medical Center, where he learned his father had been pronounced dead.

Earlier Friday, shocked patrons gathered outside Taco Land and left a shrine of flowers, candelarias and tributes along an outside wall.

Eddie Cruz, Ayala's youngest son, said he didn't know what would happen to the bar. But he hinted that without Ram, there is no Taco Land.

the big m16

2005-05-30T20:48:00.000-05:00

the big m16
Originally uploaded by Sluggo.

Every time we're in Springfield, Illinois (my wife's hometown), I miss the chance to get a photo of "The Big M-16." Except this time.

Arigatou, Hair Station LEON

2005-05-22T02:51:00.000-05:00

Arigatou, Hair Station LEON
Originally uploaded by Sluggo.

I was sleepily goofing off on Skype tonight (or this morning... about 2am), when I came across a guy in Nagoya, Japan working in his salon, Hair Station LEON, which is apparently famous for their shampoo robot! They have a live webcam at their site, and actually posed for me so I could post the screen capture here.

I still say the Internet is a wonderful thing. Most of the time.

Sometimes you just wanna do nothing...

2005-05-21T23:09:00.000-05:00

And that's exactly what I did today. For the most part.

Yes, it has begun.

2005-05-21T15:21:00.000-05:00

And I will say what I damn well please.

This morning, Sharon woke me up as she was leaving to go grocery shopping, so I got up and did my morning catheter routine, then hurredly went about my side business, Naked Man Cleaning Service. Damn it if the pest control guy was gonna see MY house in a state of shit!

After taking Iggy to the vet, a venture that set us back about $200, we came home for lunch, and I enjoyed the much-ballyhooed Riblet sammich with mustard. Mmmmm, good!

More later...