That Einstein Photo

Yes, you've been seeing it everywhere online. And now...



I should be ashamed of myself that I cannot come up with anything better than that. A 41-year-old grown man. With a little baby girl even! Why I never.

Red Motel

I just ran across the website for Red Motel in Yoyogi, Tokyo. I really like the design, a mix of old-school punk crock and crazy Engrish shenanigans. Plus, their motto or tagline or blurb-o whatever the hell you wanna call it is cool as shit: "SALUTE PUNK ROCK & NEW WAVE and I hope nobody escape." Fuck yeah. If that ain't love-hate, I dunno what is. 私は性交の殺害にほしいと思う!

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Wipe...

I found a few squat toilet photos I took in Japan and posted them to Flickr... You can witness the splendor of the whole set right here.

Annoying, Isn't It?

Happy Birthday Tom, Wherever You Are

My friend Tom Churchill was killed by a drunk driver on South Lamar Boulevard in Austin, Texas on September 6, 1996. Today he would have been 38 years old.

Skype: The Whole World Can Prank Call You for Free

A recent chat I had in Skype... Reads like a six-panel comic strip... ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork is me, by the way. "Bumpie128" tried to call me out of the blue, but I don't answer unsolicited or unannounced calls from strangers. Unless I'm in an ornery mood, which is most of the time. Still... So I IM'ed him back to see what the call was for:

(18:26:51) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: yes....? what's up?

(18:27:19) bumpie128 says: You like the NBA?

(18:27:35) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: hmm.. no, sorry

(18:28:08) bumpie128 says: Football, NFL?

(18:28:45) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: nope

(18:29:01) bumpie128 says: Baseball, MLB

(18:29:33) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: i can take baseball... or futbol... basketball and football are boring

(18:29:59) bumpie128 says: Okay, do you like GIRLS?

(18:30:10) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: sure... do you?

(18:32:16) bumpie128 says: Boooooooooobiies

(18:32:31) ポークの鉄人, Iron Man of Pork says: have you escaped from AOL?

Richard Pryor 1940-2005

Photo: Henry Diltz

Of all the comedians whose albums we listened to in that era when the comedy album was the big thing, Richard Pryor was undeniably the one who made us laugh uncontrollably and play the damn record over and over... And tape it so we could play it on road trips in the car... And memorize every damn line so we could amaze each other by reciting the jokes along with the record as we played it yet again. But not only that, he made us think about why we laughed, and opened our eyes to a lot of shit. We'll miss him.

Filthy TV Repository and Fat Bush Supporters

ParentsTV.org maintains what could be either a guide of what to avoid for anal-retentive reactionary parents hoping to shelter their children from the evils of human nature funneled through Hollywood's degenerate view of America (or what America should be or is becoming has become), or a helpful list of what's really fucked-up and fun to watch for lowest-common denominator couch slugs who suck up what is plopped on their mental multi-compartmentalized plastic cafeteria tray by hair-netted and mustachioed television executives—the latter group of which are probably overtaking the first in percentage of overall market share. Big breath... Pick your poison.



The flag-waving slob above is most likely a member of said latter group as well, judging by his acceptance of pre-packaged and trucked-in-by-Halliburton-for-your-pleasure politics. Homey probably had biggie-sized freedom fries for lunch. I love the way his little ham fist grips that Wal-Mart impulse-buy flag, too. The photo is from Ava Rice's Law Sloth, where self-portraits of Bush-fodder are assembled with commentary that had me giggling with deelite. I especially love the comment on this freedom-loving tubby's photo:

"Fat slob waving a little flag in an attic apartment = pure comedy. Bonus: Are those Christmas lights, a blacklight poster of a dragon, and Kleenex and lube in the background?"

I didn't notice until after making this post that Ava's page pretty much stopped posting at the end of last year, but it's still way entertaining.

Better, But Not Quite

Okay, so Current returned to its place on our digital cable in Austin yesterday.

I wonder... Do they keep a shitty infomercial network around to drop in when they have technical difficulties? Do they make a little kickback when someone tunes in to watch their favorite program and becomes brainwashed by the "you're not beautiful enough, your teeth are yellow, you're losing your hair and you have a dirty butt" programming and buys something?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

I still hate Time Warner...

I Fucking Hate Time Warner

We've had digital cable and Internet services through Time Warner for a few years now, and I have to be honest: I fucking hate Time Warner. They charge an assload of money for services that other providers offer for far less and their customer service (specifically Road Runner tech support) sucks major ass, contrary to what they would have potential customers believe. One of the things that has chapped my ass about them for awhile is that they now offer new customers Internet service at half price for six months, while those of us who have been supporting their greedy asses for years and never got a promotional break in the beginning of our service get nothing. They won't throw us a bone, and they sure as hell don't give reacharounds while they're fucking us.

Then there are the channels that go black or mysteriously change programming with no advance warning and no explanation. They recently started carrying Current TV in the digital lineup, and though rather repetitive, I've come to like the diverse programming Current has to offer. Then yesterday, poof! it's gone, replaced with some infomercial network running an hour-long ad for some lame-ass teeth whitening product. I checked again today, and the same network was in Current's place showing a commercial for hair loss remedies.

I checked Current's web site to see if there were announced outages, and as I suspected, they showed no interruption of service. I then tried to check if Time Warner site had any announcements, and not only did they have nothing to explain the situation, when I tried to use their "live chat with a pompous service agent" link, I got a server error. When I tried to then go to the "contact us" link to find other options, I got the same server error. I gave up.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, just this morning before all this happened, Sharon informed me that Time Warner had raised the cost of service yet again. That's right, we're paying more for less. This is nothing new with Time Warner, so why am I so worked up about it?

All I can say is what I've said for nearly three years: When Grande finally makes it to our neighborhood, I'm gonna bail. That is, when Time Warner and the City of Austin quit blowing each other and let Grande expand into other areas in Austin, I'm leaving the dark side.

We Give Great Engrish for a Hot Life

Here's a new one (for me, anyway...): Adult Podcasting. Yes. The sounds of porn, in Japanese at that. Or should I say, the sounds of Japanese porn. No wonder there are problems with sweaty, sex-starved salarymen groping women on the Yamanote! They're listening to this on their iPods on the way to work every morning! Oh, and you win a big fat bubblegum cigar if you can spot the fresh Engrish. It's a mad, mad, mad world, I'm sayin'. Fuck it, I'm going to bed.

Jonesin' for Ink

Just the other day I was wondering to myself, "Self, I wonder when there's going to be another tattoo convention in Austin?" Well, it looks like the Star of Texas Tattoo Art Revival is happening again, January 12 through 15. I'm hoping to get down there this time around and see some art... Maybe even get some art, who knows?

It's been about six and a half years since I was tattooed last, when I got my honeymoon peach from Tanja Nixx at Lyle Tuttle's in San Francisco. I need to get off my keister and see about getting my "Kei's Feets" tattoo... I've been wanting to get tattooed again for years, but having a legitimate excuse now just makes me more anxious to have it done. Just haven't figured out where to get it and what the composition should be. The joke idea for some time has been to get it on my butt since she has most definitely kicked my ass, in a life-changing, neck-snapping fashion.

Kei is 16 weeks old!

Our little girl is sixteen weeks old today. Even in the short time she's been here, I can see that what "they" say is true: They grow up way too fast. In Kei's case, it's not her growing up that's alarming, it's just how much she has grown in general.

I love her, I love her, I love her... No matter how much she screams or pukes on me or whatever. How something so beautiful could have come (partly) from me, I have no clue.

Podcasts, the iPod and the Process of De-Ludditization

Oooh... A plywood iPod...

This week, I've been walking to and from work, just to see if I can get into the routine of keeping up with daily excercise (which is another post unto itself...). To occupy myself during the 35 or so minutes it takes each way (it's exactly two miles from home to work), I dug out my Rio Cali 128 and fed it a few Japan-related podcasts, namely Guzen Radio, Herro Flom Japan and Tokyo Calling. Now I find myself wanting an iPod, which is odd for me, because I had no previous interest in owning one... I figured the Rio player was enough, but I'm finding that the expanded storage of an iPod would be... attractive. The video capabilities would be nice, too, though I doubt I'd be watching much video while walking down the treacherous stretch of Kramer Lane that I have to navigate!

I've added the iPod to my Christmas wish list but I don't think anyone will be buying me one. We'll see what happens.